Sunday, September 2, 2012

The Rat Saga

I feel like a lot of what I've blogged about lately is pretty heavy stuff. So here's a little crazypants adventure to let you know my life isn't always serious.

So, my parents (who I live with) have two cats, Red, a cat they've been fostering for several years who lives in the basement, and Moo Moo, the cat who chooses to live outdoors. I say "chooses" because with Moo Moo it's choice not force. She's had the chance to live indoors many times but she would rather roam the neighborhood with her brother Oreo who lives one street over.
Moo Moo
Then when I moved in I brought my cat, Penelope, who lives upstairs on the second floor with me.
Gizmo (Source)
Orange Cotton Candy (Source)
Now, Red is a very sweet cat. And Penelope is attention starved and isn't too fond of anyone but me but she isn't demonic. Moo Moo on the other hand....Well, Moo Moo is 75% maniacal serial killer and 25% stinky, scabby, scruffy cat.
"I resent all those statements, even if they do represent me accurately."
I love Moo Moo but she plots a little too much for comfort. This is the cat that if I died today she would have no problem eating my face off tomorrow. She murders small rodents and birds for fun. She is known for her "love bites" and "love claws."
Example of a "love claw." It says, "I'll love you until you feed me and then I'm going to smother you in your sleep."
Moo Moo's two greatest attributes are her fangs and her razor sharp nails. Her newest favorite pastime is trying to sneak in the house to go upstairs and get all up in Penelope's business. But we all still love this crazy cat and wish she would settle down and co-exist with us peacefully.

Well, as I mentioned, Moo Moo likes to kill rodents and birds for fun. I say for fun because she comes up to the house looking for canned cat food at least 5 times a day. A month or so ago when I first moved in with my parents she went on a killing spree and killed a bird and a mouse and maimed 3 other birds (that my mom had to take to a wildlife rescue). About a week ago Moo Moo killed another mouse and dropped it at the garage door. My mom made *me* do down and poke it with a broom to make sure it was dead (it was). However, last night's saga took the cake.

My dad was leaving to go to my grandmother's house and he pokes his head in the garage door and says, "Look at the size of this rat Moo Moo brought up." I thought he was joking so I followed him out and there was one of the biggest rats I've ever seen. It's tail alone was at least 6 inches long. As a side note: We live near a really big field. This rat wasn't just hanging out in our neighborhood. As I'm looking at it THE THING MOVES. I scram, ran inside, and slammed the door shut. Moo Moo, who was lounging nearby with an eye on the rat barely flicked her tail. I then yelled at her through the door, "It's not dead yet! Kill it!" My mom decided Moo Moo needed a new motivational statement: Finish the Kill. So, we waited for her to finish the job and before we sat down for supper I check on Moo Moo again. At first I didn't see her but that was just because she was around the corner of the storage unit in the garage with the half dead rat cornered behind a can of bird feed. So, my dad came home, we ate dinner, and took the dogs for a walk. When we came back my mom wanted to see if the rat was still in the garage. By this point Moo Moo had grown bored and wandered off and the *still half dead* rat was behind the storage unit in the garage. My mom yelled, the rat ran further behind the unit, and we all raced inside. Well, my mom wanted the rat out of the garage but my dad wanted to just wait until the morning to deal with it so *I* had to go out into the garage with a broom. When I poked the rat he ran towards the open garage door. And then stopped. Behind the can of bird seed. I poked him again and he just sat there. I poke him several more times but it was clear he was well on his way to the eternal embrace of death. I left him there to die without me poking his rear end and went to bed. The next morning as I was leaving for church I asked my dad if he'd gotten the rat out. "Moo Moo got it," he said, "And left it under the back end of your car." I went to look and sure enough, THE CAT HAD PUT THE MAULED RAT UNDER THE BACK END OF MY CR-V. All I had done last night was push him out into the open so she would drag him out and feast on him (because it kind of looked like he might have been missing his head). Thanks, Moo Moo. Thanks a lot.

I'm kind of worried that it might have been a warning.

And she also killed a bird and left that in the garage this morning.

I wish I could make this stuff up.

1 comment:

Tina said...

Aw, I think Moo Moo left you a present. (I know it isn't a present you want, but..) My cat used to leave us presents (mice) with their heads chewed off all the time. Maybe it's Moo Moo's peace treaty. Lol