The Fake Nail Saga

For some time now I have been under the delusion that I would like to have fake nails. I've tried to grow my nails out a few times (and by growing them out I mean you can actually see white nail) but I always get tired of them and cut them. Despite my inability to maintain a long natural nail for some reason I see fake nails as different. They make that cool clicky sound when you touch something and they're like heels for nails. My mom mother always advised me against acrylics saying they will destroy your nails so I decided to get some press-ons at the local Wal-Mart to try. I put them on using the little sticky tabs and they all fell off in under 30 minutes. Then I decided to take the plunge and glue them on.

Bad idea.

Almost as soon as I had them on, I wanted them off. I mean, they looked cute but the minute I tried to actually *do* something in them I was totally incapacitated. Putting on clothes, opening a bottle, typing on the computer, USING MY IPHONE...but the real kicker came when I realized I was going to have to take my contacts out with an extra quarter of an inch of nail. Needless to say I knew they would have to come off.

I managed to sleep through the night with the nails on but I woke up ready to gnaw them off my hand. I'd done a little research on how to remove fake nails the night before. Most had said to use acetone...which I didn't have. Another site (including the official Super Glue website) suggested trying warm, soapy water. I figured I'd start with that and then try rubbing alcohol (also a suggestion) and regular nail polish if all else failed.

So, after breakfast, I began...
Here's my nails before hand:

Left

Right

Cute? Right?

Notice on the left hand that the pinkie nail had already come off in less than 12 hours. I was washing my hands and I heard this little "pop!" I was secretly glad because I was more reassured than ever that these babies would come off with a little soap and water.

Pinkie nail says, "I'm free! I'm free!"

I soaked each hand for 5 minutes in some soapy water (for the record I used dish washing soap which I thought might help due to its ability to cut through oil and grease) and then used the little cuticle pusher that came with the kit to begin prying them up from the back. In just 5 minutes 2 popped right off on the right hand and all but 1 came off on the left hand. 5 more minutes and they were all off.

Aftermath

My natural nails are a little worse for wear but, man, do I feel better!

I don't think I'll be getting any more fake nails. Ever. Lesson learned.

Blessed Among Women, Part 1

When Mary went to visit her sister-in-law Elizabeth to announce that she was giving birth to the Savior of the world, Elizabeth called out, "Blessed are you among women!" (Luke, chapter 1) This past year has given me so many opportunities to feel as though I'm "blessed among women" as well. Please note: I'm in no way comparing myself to the mother of Jesus...just that I can understand that feeling of being truly, TRULY blessed. One such instance of blessing happened this weekend.

I started going to a local Romanian church about 6 or 8 months ago. My friend Dan and his cousin, Ramona, went there and invited me. I have such a heart for the country and people of Romania that I was looking for any connection here in the States to the place I travel to just twice a year. Slowly I've started to meet people and make friends. One of those people that I have met and begun to know is named David. A week or so ago David and I had the chance to chat at Dan's going away party (he moved to Arizona). As is typical if you talk to me for more than 20 seconds the topic turned to my work with orphans and, specifically, my work in Romania. Fast forward a few days and I get an email from Jodi, the trip coordinator for Heart to Heart International. They need me to get $1400 in a week so they can order my airline ticket. I hit Twitter and Facebook letting people know the need. One of the people who sees my message is David. He called me this past Saturday afternoon and asked if I would be willing to get up after the church service that night and talk a little about my work in Romania. I agreed and, despite the fact that I get very nervous and shaky when speaking in front of people, I managed to say a little something about why I love Romania and why I miss my boys so much. I told everyone about the Heart to Heart website and said they could find me on Facebook or talk to me in person if they wanted to hear me prattle on some more. Then I sat down and tried to stop sweating (did I mention I get nervous speaking in front of people?) and tried not to think about how much I probably sounded like a drunk idiot. Then David announced that some of the people from the church had something for me and he handed me an envelope. These lovely Romanians, who barely know me from Eve, who are all young adults and probably have something better to spend their money on like iPhones and car payments, had raised over half the money towards my plane ticket. Of course I started crying. And then people just started handing me checks and asking for the website and telling me what an inspiration I am. I'm not even joking. I seriously left in a state of shock. Just ask my friend Albert. He tried to talk to me later that night and I probably sounded high because I was trying to just process everything.

Here's the amazing thing. This was one of only 3 things that happened that was awesome this weekend. I'm saving the other 2 for another day because you might get awesome overload. The bottom line is that I'm not someone who's Mary Superchurchgoer. I don't have a hotline to God. In fact, I manage to muck up on a regular basis. I'm emotional and cry too much about stuff that doesn't matter and I worry about having a good hair day and my nail polish chipping. It's stupid really (see previous post on being a bonehead). The thing is that I'm just trying to do what God called me to do. And, for me, He said to go and care for the orphans and vulnerable children of Eastern Europe and Russia. To be a voice for them. To wrap arms around them when no one else will. To fight for them because they can't fight for themselves. To love them. It's simple really. And then I just trust that some day, some how, I'll get to the exact place where God wants me. He's the one who throws open the doors and makes straight the path. It's not like I said, "Ok, David, I'm going to tell you an awesome story about how amazing I am for working with orphans and you're going to go out and raise all kinds of money for me." Pretty much I just talked about the passion God placed on my heart and how I'm trying to follow where He leads. It's not easy, living a life like this. Sometimes you end up living in your parent's house with graduate school debt, a cat who sneezes in your face during the night, and no real sense of where the next 6 months will lead you. But it's so fulfilling. Contradiction, right? Because that's just how God is. And I don't want it any other way.

The Rat Saga

I feel like a lot of what I've blogged about lately is pretty heavy stuff. So here's a little crazypants adventure to let you know my life isn't always serious.

So, my parents (who I live with) have two cats, Red, a cat they've been fostering for several years who lives in the basement, and Moo Moo, the cat who chooses to live outdoors. I say "chooses" because with Moo Moo it's choice not force. She's had the chance to live indoors many times but she would rather roam the neighborhood with her brother Oreo who lives one street over.

Red

Moo Moo

Then when I moved in I brought my cat, Penelope, who lives upstairs on the second floor with me.

Gizmo (Source)

 +

Orange Cotton Candy (Source)

=

Penelope

Now, Red is a very sweet cat. And Penelope is attention starved and isn't too fond of anyone but me but she isn't demonic. Moo Moo on the other hand....Well, Moo Moo is 75% maniacal serial killer and 25% stinky, scabby, scruffy cat.

"I resent all those statements, even if they do represent me accurately."

I love Moo Moo but she plots a little too much for comfort. This is the cat that if I died today she would have no problem eating my face off tomorrow. She murders small rodents and birds for fun. She is known for her "love bites" and "love claws."

Example of a "love claw." It says, "I'll love you until you feed me and then I'm going to smother you in your sleep."

Moo Moo's two greatest attributes are her fangs and her razor sharp nails. Her newest favorite pastime is trying to sneak in the house to go upstairs and get all up in Penelope's business. But we all still love this crazy cat and wish she would settle down and co-exist with us peacefully.

Well, as I mentioned, Moo Moo likes to kill rodents and birds for fun. I say for fun because she comes up to the house looking for canned cat food at least 5 times a day. A month or so ago when I first moved in with my parents she went on a killing spree and killed a bird and a mouse and maimed 3 other birds (that my mom had to take to a wildlife rescue). About a week ago Moo Moo killed another mouse and dropped it at the garage door. My mom made *me* do down and poke it with a broom to make sure it was dead (it was). However, last night's saga took the cake.

My dad was leaving to go to my grandmother's house and he pokes his head in the garage door and says, "Look at the size of this rat Moo Moo brought up." I thought he was joking so I followed him out and there was one of the biggest rats I've ever seen. It's tail alone was at least 6 inches long. As a side note: We live near a really big field. This rat wasn't just hanging out in our neighborhood. As I'm looking at it THE THING MOVES. I scram, ran inside, and slammed the door shut. Moo Moo, who was lounging nearby with an eye on the rat barely flicked her tail. I then yelled at her through the door, "It's not dead yet! Kill it!" My mom decided Moo Moo needed a new motivational statement: Finish the Kill. So, we waited for her to finish the job and before we sat down for supper I check on Moo Moo again. At first I didn't see her but that was just because she was around the corner of the storage unit in the garage with the half dead rat cornered behind a can of bird feed. So, my dad came home, we ate dinner, and took the dogs for a walk. When we came back my mom wanted to see if the rat was still in the garage. By this point Moo Moo had grown bored and wandered off and the *still half dead* rat was behind the storage unit in the garage. My mom yelled, the rat ran further behind the unit, and we all raced inside. Well, my mom wanted the rat out of the garage but my dad wanted to just wait until the morning to deal with it so *I* had to go out into the garage with a broom. When I poked the rat he ran towards the open garage door. And then stopped. Behind the can of bird seed. I poked him again and he just sat there. I poke him several more times but it was clear he was well on his way to the eternal embrace of death. I left him there to die without me poking his rear end and went to bed. The next morning as I was leaving for church I asked my dad if he'd gotten the rat out. "Moo Moo got it," he said, "And left it under the back end of your car." I went to look and sure enough, THE CAT HAD PUT THE MAULED RAT UNDER THE BACK END OF MY CR-V. All I had done last night was push him out into the open so she would drag him out and feast on him (because it kind of looked like he might have been missing his head). Thanks, Moo Moo. Thanks a lot.

I'm kind of worried that it might have been a warning.

And she also killed a bird and left that in the garage this morning.

I wish I could make this stuff up.

Horrible

I'm the worst sort of person. Here's what I gave my non-knitting sister-in-law for Christmas:

If you wish hard enough they'll become those socks you wanted!

My brother got a card. There was an apology inside for not having finished his tie. There was no yarn because I haven't found some yet (anyone know of a good variegated black/grey sock yarn?). There was no pattern because my printer has decided it's done playing nicely with the ink cartridges. This is the first year that I haven't finished my Christmas knitting on time. Of course I had a lot more to do this year but still...it tastes a little like failure.

In other crazy pants news: Last night when I came home (late) from my parent's house I noticed my downstairs neighbors had a candle burning on their patio. I was a little concerned because it was pretty close to the vinyl siding wall but they had Christmas lights on so I figured that they would come out and blow out the candle in a little bit. I came inside and did some stuff around the apartment and I kept thinking about the candle. I don't want my stuff burning down because some idiot left a Christmas decoration burning on their porch all night. So, I went downstairs to see if they had blown it out (P.S. It was after midnight at this point). They had not. Then I realized I was going to have to take action. So I go and get a cup of water, sneak down to the front of their porch, lean over as far as I can, then chuck the water in the direction of the candle. Success! Candle goes out, no siding was melted, the complex was saved. Now I just have monitor their porch to make sure they don't do it again.

Moment of Panic

I got a package today full of crocheted toys for the Eastern European and Russian Orphanages Project. We're doing a toy collection for the orphans for Christmas so some very on the ball people are already sending in donations which is awesome! Well, I took the bag full of toys out on the deck for a moment to try and get a picture in some decent lighting.

Toys in bag waiting for good light.
However, my friend Megan was over so I just figured I'd leave the toys out until later and come back. I went inside and Megan and I watched some t.v. and chatted and what not. After an hour or so I remembered the toys and went outside to get them. That's when I noticed that the bag, which had been sitting on the metal patio chair had sort of fallen over and a couple of the toys had fallen over onto the patio. Unharmed of course but they were dangerously close to the edge of the balcony. Danger Will Robinson... Cautiously I peeked over the edge.... Is that....

Do you see the blue speck down there?

Could that be one of the toy balls? In front of my neighbors porch? Crap it. I couldn't leave it down there. But what if my neighbors were out there or worse, what if I go poking around in their bushes/monkey grass and they come out (as they often do) to hang out on their porch. I thought about all these things while trying to calculate the time of day and wondering if my neighbors worked and what time they might come home from said jobs as I snuck around the side of the building and tried to causally see where my neighbors were and what they were doing. P.S. This is totally different from stalking. Please no one call the police. Thankfully they weren't out there and the blue thing turned out to be a piece of plastic or something. It looked way bigger from my porch (I should have known, I have a problem with depth perception).

Oh, and I finished a hat to go with the wavy scarf. More on that later.