Sunday, October 21, 2012

Bonehead

Sometimes I'm so dumb.

Sometimes I spend so much time focusing on all the ways I've messed up I forget how much God has redeemed me.

Sometimes I focus on what I want and forget that I'm not supposed to be in the drivers seat any more.

Sometimes I get disappointed because things don't work out my way and I forget that God's way is always much, much, MUCH better.

Sometimes I forget that last point a lot.

Like, A LOT, a lot.

This has been a HUGE issue for me this week. I've struggled with coming to grips that I may not finish school when *I* wanted to. I've had a hard time dealing with perceived (possibly not even real) rejection. I've played over scenes in my mind where I feel I've acted like a dolt and analyzed everything I said and did a thousand times. Then I spend hours beating myself up (figuratively) over it.

Why?

I struggle so much with this idea that I can truly accomplish what God has called me to without intervening and interfering with His plans. If they are HIS plans shouldn't I bet letting HIM carry them out? I guess in some ways I'm still trying to figure out my part. But that's the whole crux of the situation isn't it? Isn't it always about the journey, the shaping, the molding, the changing that results in the beautiful end product?

So, that's my closing thoughts on this past week. It's been an interesting one complete with a roller coaster of emotions. I feel as though I'm slowly moving into a new stage of my life but I have no idea what it looks like. I have no idea where I'll be in 6 months or how I'll be making a living or even if I'll be earning money doing it. I have no idea who will be walking this journey with me or if I will be going it alone. It's scary and exciting and crazy all at once. And I can't wait to jump in.

1 comment:

Talitha Michele said...

Oh sister, I feel you on this-> it's like you've been reading my diary. LoL Good thing God loves us in spite of ourselves! Love you, hang in there!!!