It's Not About Me

This blog post isn't about me. It's not about my next trip to Romania. It's not about raising funds. It may look like those things but it's not.

Yes, I am going back to Romania. In fact, I'm going very soon. May 30th to be exact. That means I have a little over 30 days to raise the $3000+ needed to go. Daunting? A little bit. But then I remember, it's not about me.

It's about this kid:

And this letter from him:
Dear Melissa,
I love you a lot and I miss you and can't wait to see you and I want to play with you and we can play together. And I know Jesus will help you come back quickly to Romania and you will play with all the kids and they miss you and I love all the Americans.

It's about the faith of a 13 year old orphan half way around the world and God's fulfillment of a promise He gave to that orphan.

This is totally not about me.

To help me fulfill this promise you can donate through my charity at www.eerop.org or through Heart to Heart International (http://www.h2hint.org/index.php/h2h/give/). Feel free to share with friends and others through Facebook and Twitter. Thank you for your faithfulness!

Thursday

Is it really Thursday already? This week has flown by! Yesterday was a full but great day which may explain why I can't believe the week is already half way over.

It started out with letters and drawings from one of my sweet boys in Romania.

Pic of us this winter.

He is truly precious and his kind words started my day off right.

Next I got to meet with my new Russian friend Natalia and her husband, Terry.

I think I have found my kindred Russian spirit. Or my long lost Russian sister. This was the first time we had ever met and yet I felt like I've known her forever. It was such a blessing to get to meet someone who shares my passion for the orphans of Russia and Eastern Europe.

Finally, I got a late afternoon surprise: a picture of my sponsor child from Ukraine with a picture of my first letter I had sent him!

Needless to say this helped me push on through the rest of a long work day.

I even allowed myself extra time to knit and relax last night. I'll be back at it today but it's officially the downward slide to the weekend!

Chill Out

I have to say that I was a little worried about the transition back to life in the States after nearly 2 weeks in Romania. There is always the threat of reverse culture shock when you go between such diverse communities. In all honesty, I was dreading going back to the daily grind of paperwork and authorizations and commuting to work. That's why I've been so surprised at what actually happened. It seems that Romania was the giant chill pill I've been needing.

My dear friend Ciara (left) with Toader (a transition graduate) and Florin (from the transition program) and myself on New Year's Eve.

I haven't laughed so much or so hard in the past 6 months as I have in the last 2 weeks.

Getting new gloves for Christmas!

The boys were tickled over some of the gifts they got.

I've also been reminded to keep things in perspective. There are so many bigger issues in the world than late paperwork, denied insurance claims, and traffic. Keeping that in mind has allowed me to be sane during an insurance audit and functional while jumping back into seeing a full load of clients.

My teammate Lexi and Costica.

I'm so thankful that the transition back has been smooth. Even though I miss the kids and my friends on staff terribly I've been able to daily identify things I'm learning that will help me down the road. While I may not always be able to do that I'm trying to treasure those moments now to help me through the times when I wonder what in the world I'm doing with my life.

Daniel being sneaky. Or getting into trouble. Or both.

So, yeah, it's good to be home. For now...

Holidays in Romania

What a busy week! I arrived in Romania on Thursday afternoon and have been enjoying seeing all the kids and staff members again.

We helped one of the transition graduates and one of the current transition boys celebrate their birthdays.

Happy birthday, Florin and Sunny!

 I've had so much fun just being here with the other half of my heart. I feel like all the relationships I have with everyone are growing deeper each time I come. There is nothing better than having a gaggle of children run up to you yelling your name, grabbing your hand, pulling you in 5 directions at once, climbing on you, laying on you, jumping in your lap, kissing you on the cheek, hiding in your scarf, playing with your hair, joking with you, "whining" to you, laughing with you...

I don't know what I'm going to do in a week when I have to leave.

Prepping

Holiday preparations are well under way! Today is the start of Christmas week festivities with our annual "Christmas Eve" celebration. We moved it this year from Christmas Eve to the weekend before Christmas to accommodate more people. Personally I'm a little relieved. I've been working like crazy this week to get some internship hours in before I leave for the holidays. That means that nothing besides Christmas shopping has been accomplished. Case in point: I still need to finish packing for my trip to Romania which happens in 4 days.

The only thing that's been packed are supplies for the kids. Too bad I also need clothes to wear. However, having the Christmas Eve celebration today means more time before Christmas to get packing and wrapping done.

In my defense I have finished some laundry and made brownies for this afternoon. I still have some work stuff to finish before I can actually leave the country but I've been working on it slowly and steadily...for the most part.

Through this doorway lies the workspace of doom. Enter if you dare...

Last night I did a little paperwork and then started one of the few Christmas presents I decided to make this year. I almost didn't make any gifts at all but then my grandmother requested some dishcloths and I thought that might be kind of nice. And then I thought my other grandmother might like some slippers so I'll be making those later this weekend.

Still life: Cat with Dishcloth in Early Morning Sun

The big question is: can I finish this dishcloth before 12:30 p.m. when we leave for the party? Does it matter that it is now 11:15 and I'm not dressed or have any gifts wrapped? What if I throw in the fact that I need to fold laundry? How about adding in the fact that I'm blogging instead of knitting?

Weekend

Just finished up a very busy weekend! Friday after work I went to an event at my brother and sister-in-law's church called Beyond Fair Trade. The event helps women in impoverished nations earn a living by selling handmade jewelry, bags, aprons, Christmas ornaments, and much more. I picked up a little owl keychain for myself and a Christmas gift for my best friend (which I'm not putting up a picture of because it's a secret).

Saturday I was at my aunt and uncle's helping my littlest cousin, Bennett, celebrate his 1st birthday. I've always been very close to my cousins and with twin uncles who are only 7 years older than me I feel like their boys are more my nephews than cousins. That only makes our bond even more special.

Today (Sunday) was a little odd for me. For the first time in a long while I missed church even though I was in town. That was because we had our annual Stewart Family Christmas Party/Reunion. My second cousin once removed (I think that's the relationship...we share a great grandparent in common but are from different generations...anyways, it's complicated), Will, sold some handmade wooden crosses to help me raise money for my trip to Romania. He ended up making $360! And some of my other relatives are coming together to help get supplies for my trip. They were able to give me some of them today. I got 13 pairs of gloves and 24 tubes of travel toothpaste! It was such a day of blessings!

Some of the gloves and toothpaste that I got.

I had really planned to work on some paperwork for my internship this weekend but it's just so hard when you have full days like the last ones have been. I'm a little sad that tomorrow is Monday. It was just starting to feel like a vacation!

P.S. Can ya'll send good thoughts/prayers for my computer. It's been running super slow lately and taking a long time to load things. I'm getting the spin-y rainbow beach ball a lot. I know this is an odd thing to ask for but I depend upon my computer A LOT. Especially because of grad school. And right now I don't have the money for an external hard drive or new computer. If this one can just hold out for a few more months then (hopefully) I will have a paying job at that point and can work towards a new laptop. This one has been faithful to me for a long time and I desperately need it to hold out just a little longer. Thanks everyone!

Endings

Happy 1st day of December! This is the time that we celebrate the closing of another year and the starting of another one. A time when we reflect on our purpose. I love the feeling of being around family and friends at this time of year as well as the promise that right around the corner is another year to accomplish our calling. I like thinking back on the year and thinking ahead to the next. In some ways this is a tough time of the year. I miss my boys in Romania a lot during this time because I want them to experience the fun that families have together. It pains me to know that they will spend Christmas and New Years at the orphanage instead of being shuffled from relative's house to relative's house and back again. That they won't get to rip open presents on Christmas Day or eat until they bust. I do find comfort in the fact that I will be seeing them again in just 25 more days!

It is also a very exciting time of the year. In just a few short weeks I will be completing all my coursework for my graduate degree in clinical and counseling psychology! Then, just after the 1st part of January I will finish my internship and be officially finished with my degree! Graduation should come shortly thereafter though I don't think I'll get the chance to fly to California for the actual ceremony (because my school is online the actual graduation ceremonies take place in various locations around the country).

This is also the time of the year when I get really into knitting. I'd been so busy over the last few weeks with my internship that I hadn't gotten much knitting done. I was getting stressed and missing it though so I'm trying to make more time for my hobby. I was able to finish a blanket that I'd been working on over the last several months.

It's made from scraps of yarn held together and is a pattern from the Big Book of Quick Knit Afghans. It turned out really large and I love the way that the colors worked together. Basically I put all my scraps into big totes, closed my eyes, and grabbed out a ball when I needed a new one. I've already started a new afghan from this book (even though I need to finish weaving in the ends of the afghan that I just did). And I'm working on some socks for myself.

My final goal for the last month of 2012 is to think about my diet and exercise. Since moving about 6 months ago my exercise habits have been the best they ever have. I just want to tweak a few things as far as eating. I eat better now (fast food or restaurant food less than 4 times a month, hardly any prepackaged or pre-made foods) but I want to eat healthier (more fruits and veggies, less red meat, etc.). Oh, and add a few more supplements to my regimen. Just little things and nothing major.

Blessed Among Women, Parts 2 and 3

So, earlier this week I shared about how my really awesome friend David was moved to help me with some fundraising for my next trip to Romania. Well, there is more to the awesomeness. Part of which actually comes before the part with David.

One Monday about a week ago I got an email from a girl named Marissa who had been coming to my small group at church. Through a sequence of unusual events Marissa had learned that I had a small non-profit and wanted to help out. At first I was blown away because she was volunteering to work on this part time without pay. I have to admit for about a week I kept waiting for her to call and say that she had reconsidered. Last Saturday before I went to the Romanian church for services (and got my huge surprise) I met with Marissa to talk about the Eastern European and Russian Orphanages Project and how she might be able to help. Not only was Marissa totally serious about helping she was enthusiastic and ready to go! This was a blessing I have been wanting and thinking, "One day..." about for awhile now but to have her approach me was totally unexpected! I'm so pumped to have her on board and think she will be a great addition to the team.

The final part of the Weekend O' Blessings came on Sunday when I went to my crafting group at the church. Many of the ladies have been incredibly supportive of my work, especially our women's ministry leader, Debbie. On Sunday night she was a blessing by providing another donation to my Romania trip! Thanks to all those who donated I'm about $1500 away from having my total trip covered!

Last weekend was just a little reminder that in the midst of a lot of craziness and life God is still listening to my prayers...even the ones I haven't yet dared to pray.

Blessed Among Women, Part 1

When Mary went to visit her sister-in-law Elizabeth to announce that she was giving birth to the Savior of the world, Elizabeth called out, "Blessed are you among women!" (Luke, chapter 1) This past year has given me so many opportunities to feel as though I'm "blessed among women" as well. Please note: I'm in no way comparing myself to the mother of Jesus...just that I can understand that feeling of being truly, TRULY blessed. One such instance of blessing happened this weekend.

I started going to a local Romanian church about 6 or 8 months ago. My friend Dan and his cousin, Ramona, went there and invited me. I have such a heart for the country and people of Romania that I was looking for any connection here in the States to the place I travel to just twice a year. Slowly I've started to meet people and make friends. One of those people that I have met and begun to know is named David. A week or so ago David and I had the chance to chat at Dan's going away party (he moved to Arizona). As is typical if you talk to me for more than 20 seconds the topic turned to my work with orphans and, specifically, my work in Romania. Fast forward a few days and I get an email from Jodi, the trip coordinator for Heart to Heart International. They need me to get $1400 in a week so they can order my airline ticket. I hit Twitter and Facebook letting people know the need. One of the people who sees my message is David. He called me this past Saturday afternoon and asked if I would be willing to get up after the church service that night and talk a little about my work in Romania. I agreed and, despite the fact that I get very nervous and shaky when speaking in front of people, I managed to say a little something about why I love Romania and why I miss my boys so much. I told everyone about the Heart to Heart website and said they could find me on Facebook or talk to me in person if they wanted to hear me prattle on some more. Then I sat down and tried to stop sweating (did I mention I get nervous speaking in front of people?) and tried not to think about how much I probably sounded like a drunk idiot. Then David announced that some of the people from the church had something for me and he handed me an envelope. These lovely Romanians, who barely know me from Eve, who are all young adults and probably have something better to spend their money on like iPhones and car payments, had raised over half the money towards my plane ticket. Of course I started crying. And then people just started handing me checks and asking for the website and telling me what an inspiration I am. I'm not even joking. I seriously left in a state of shock. Just ask my friend Albert. He tried to talk to me later that night and I probably sounded high because I was trying to just process everything.

Here's the amazing thing. This was one of only 3 things that happened that was awesome this weekend. I'm saving the other 2 for another day because you might get awesome overload. The bottom line is that I'm not someone who's Mary Superchurchgoer. I don't have a hotline to God. In fact, I manage to muck up on a regular basis. I'm emotional and cry too much about stuff that doesn't matter and I worry about having a good hair day and my nail polish chipping. It's stupid really (see previous post on being a bonehead). The thing is that I'm just trying to do what God called me to do. And, for me, He said to go and care for the orphans and vulnerable children of Eastern Europe and Russia. To be a voice for them. To wrap arms around them when no one else will. To fight for them because they can't fight for themselves. To love them. It's simple really. And then I just trust that some day, some how, I'll get to the exact place where God wants me. He's the one who throws open the doors and makes straight the path. It's not like I said, "Ok, David, I'm going to tell you an awesome story about how amazing I am for working with orphans and you're going to go out and raise all kinds of money for me." Pretty much I just talked about the passion God placed on my heart and how I'm trying to follow where He leads. It's not easy, living a life like this. Sometimes you end up living in your parent's house with graduate school debt, a cat who sneezes in your face during the night, and no real sense of where the next 6 months will lead you. But it's so fulfilling. Contradiction, right? Because that's just how God is. And I don't want it any other way.

Processing

It has been 18 days since I got back from Romania. In some ways it feels like I just left yesterday and in some ways it feels like 3 months ago. Those 2 weeks seem frozen in time and yet life keeps barreling on, moving and changing.

The day after I got back from Romania I started my internship with a counseling center about 30 minutes from my parent's house. I absolutely love it. I've been given the chance to jump in with two feet and accomplish as much as I possibly can in 6 months and I'm taking full advantage of it. Next week I'll be able to start seeing clients on my own. It's crazy and exciting all at the same time! Having this internship has been so good for me. Even though it's a lot of work (and a lot of tough, emotional work) I'm excited to go in each day and I leave happy every afternoon. I literally sing praises on the way home because I enjoy my work so much.

Last weekend was the big moving day. All my furniture (that I'm keeping) came to my parent's house (a.k.a. my new digs). Everything was going great until we couldn't get my couch through the upstairs playroom door.

We even tried removing part of the door frame.

Still not working. The whole frame is going to have to come off. This was the event that broke the camel's back. I had desperately wanted the move to go smoothly, and for the most part it did. But it's all been kind of emotional and with a couch in the hallway all those emotions came right to the surface. Luckily we all survived the event pretty much unscathed. The couch is still in the hallway but the handyman is coming next week to attempt to solve the problem.

So, there's all that and then some. In fact this post barely scratches the surface of all the processing and reflecting I have been doing. There are still lots of questions: What should I be doing in 6 months? What should I be doing in a year? Should I get a job? Do I even have time for a job? Can I handle the stress of a job in addition to school and interning? If I don't get a job how will I pay for bills? How am I going to ship stuff for EEROP? Where am I going to store all this stuff for EEROP? Will we get our 501(c)3 status before the end of this year? How can I raise money to get back to see the kids in Romania? What about all the other orphanages I really want to visit? Right now there are definitely more questions than answers. But I have been reminded that God is working through all this and He has big plans for me. I'm not scared but, rather, excited to see what is just around the bend!

My Boys

I got to see my boys today! If you know me then you know how happy this makes me. Even if they did act like little boogers (because it's summer and their normal schedule is all out of whack so they were tired and cranky) I still love them more than words can express.

Playing games on the phone.

They make me so happy!

Being a goofball.

I'd say it was a pretty good Monday :)

A Week With the Girls

This week has been all about girls camps. We started the week with a group of 9 girls aged 13-16. The last half of the week we've had 13 girls aged 16-18. We've listened to stories and lessons about being a champion with integrity in life and in our relationships. We've played games, made crafts, and watched movies. Rather than try to give a play-by-play of all that's happened here's a bit of the week in pictures:

My team members and I before the week began.

Team and staff before the start of camps.

Celebrating my 29th birthday!

Games

Flower making

Campfire

Braiding hair

Painting nails

Camp photo with the first group.

Pool party with the first group of girls.

Watching as the games begin with group #2.

Team Albastru (blue)!

Second campfire

This flower was made for me as a gift :)

After playing tug of war over the kiddie pool, the girls decided to go for a "swim."

Just Dance 3 dance party!

Tomorrow is our last day with the second group of girls. We'll have a pool party with them in the afternoon and then they'll head back to their orphanage. Next week we will be starting day camps with some of the kids. We're have opening ceremonies at the orphanages at Voluntari and Periş and I'm excited to see my boys again! Will try and keep you posted about what's happening. I can't believe my time here is already half gone!

A Glimpse

Hello from cool, rainy Bucharest, Romania! It's actually nice that it's raining today because this is our day off and it's been so hot over the last week that the rain has been quite refreshing. And it's better to get it done with now before the guys leave to take some of the boys camping next week.

So, what have I been up to? Well, lots of cleaning actually. The ladies who are here now (myself included) have spent two mornings cleaning the transition house from top to bottom in preparation for girls camps that we will have there next week.

Picture of the transition house taken last year (pretty much looks the same).

We spent one afternoon at the baby hospital. There are lots of little babies (under 6 months) there now. In the past we haven't been able to help with ones that little but I guess with the sudden influx they have relaxed their rules. It has been a year since I've been to hospital so it was nice to go back. There is something precious about rocking a baby who nuzzles up to you.

There have also been two afternoons at the orphanage in Periş. That is where the boys I have really connected with in the past live. Two of them heard that I was coming and waited at the gate for me to get there! One of the most touching and precious moments of the trip so far.

The first day that we were there they were having an end of the year celebration with skits and awards. I was so proud of all of my boys for getting at least one award for their academics.

Proud mom moment (my boys are in the white and black shirts).

Afterwards there was a big party and the kids got some presents: a pair of shorts, a shirt, a little backpack/fanny pack thing, a pair of sunglasses, and a radio.

My little man (in the middle) working his radio (he loves music and anything to do with technology).

The second day that we were there was spent playing soccer (badly on my part, perhaps that is something I should work on...) and just loving on some kids. It is so amazing to see how they have changed. For some they are becoming more affectionate after years of never showing any emotion. For others there is better behavior after years of aggression and anger. I can see the small improvements and, to me, they seem like momentous occasions for celebration and yet I know they still have a long way to go. I wish I could be there daily pouring into their lives but that's not what I'm called to right now (for many reasons that I won't get into right now but can share later). For now I will cherish every precious moment and every half smile (even if it is mischievous) I can get.

Relaxed

I'm feeling quite relaxed today. It actually started yesterday after work. I'm not sure I did anything terribly productive after I came home. It was so nice! I knit. I read some blogs. I watched a movie (500 Days of Summer) with some friends. And today has been equally as nice. I slept in. I made some breakfast. I did some work on assignments for school. I took pictures of donations to EEROP. I cleaned the cat box. I ate Doritos (nacho cheese). I'll probably make another cup of coffee for myself before I leave to run errands and go to dinner for my brother's birthday. Then I'll come home. Finish up school work. Probably knit some more. Go to bed. It's awesome! I'm hoping it's not the calm before the storm but I just feel really peaceful and relaxed, even when I look ahead to all the things I have coming up. Next week is my last week of work and my last week of school for this quarter. Then I have a few days off to pack and move more of my apartment and I leave for Romania on the 19th. Even with the final stages of the move (and still lots to do) upon me and the packing and logistics involved with a 2 and 1/2 week trip out of country and a final paper looming, I'm still feeling fine. And I'm so thankful that it's peace and not mental breakdown. Though, I think I got that out of the way a few weeks ago. I must be feeling in control because I started another knitting project the other night.

Sleeve #1

It's the first sleeve of a sideways knit sweater (Cuff-to-Cuff Pullover by Jennifer Hagan). I really felt the urge to start something charity related so this satisfies my appetite for now. One of the ways that I gauge whether life is on track for me is whether I'm knitting anything and what I'm knitting. If I'm working on something I enjoy then life is good. If I'm knitting something that I don't really love then I'm hanging in there but I'm probably pretty stressed. If I'm not knitting then just look out, the meltdown is coming. So, knitting on this sleeve actually proves that, in the midst of chaos, peace resides. Here's to hoping this relaxation follows me well into the next week!

P.S. I have not made up my mind entirely about which direction I want to take this blog in. I will probably be sharing more about life in general. As for moving the blog, changing the title, etc. I'm still not sure what to do but I appreciate everyone's feedback!

Project count up:
Charity: 7 completed, 1 one the needles
Self: 0
Family and friends: 1 on the needles, 5 completed (excluding some washcloths for my mom)