Processing

I really don't want to write this post. But in light of everything that happened in Connecticut I feel I need to.

This is sort of like 9/11 for me. It's like I woke up in the middle of a bad nightmare and I want it to go away. I had a very hard time after 9/11. Something about the lingering afterwards. No closure and just uncertainty.

But...

Life does go on. I know that sounds really harsh and it's not meant that way. But we have to go ahead with life and vow to make it a little better because of a tragedy and not worse.

It's very hard for me to be on social media right now. Every post is like a poke at an open wound. For me, personally, I need to not pick at it. I need to let the wound close over. I know what happened. I have the details I want. I don't need a replay of it every. single. hour. And I really don't think there are too many people who do need that.

I feel that one of the curses of social media is that suddenly everything is in our faces all the time. It's knowledge over share. I'm guilty of it too. No one needs to know that I ate muffins for breakfast or had a crappy day or went on a date. But we put it out there and suddenly everyone is in every detail of everyone's lives. When I was in high school we called that "drama." And it wasn't a good thing.

I'm not saying that we should do away with social media or that I will be deleting my Facebook and Twitter accounts. But I think we make things complicated for ourselves by continuing to use social media in a reckless attempt to engage with people. The argument now is going to be over gun control and everyone is going to have an opinion. Here's the problem: everyone is going to find evidence to support their chosen position. And, no matter what position you take, it won't bring back those 20 children or the 30+ from Virginia Tech or the ones from Columbine or any of the others. There is no easy solution. We need to stop looking for one. We need to stop arguing over which side is right and which side is wrong. Why don't we all start promoting love and peace and Jesus instead? Then it shouldn't matter whether you own a gun or not.

There are sick people in this world and most of them aren't even going to make it on t.v. As a child and adolescent mental health counselor I see the sickness. I have heard stories that would make you vomit. Stories that would make you say, "To hell with gun control, I'd kill that guy for what he did!" But it doesn't change that in the wake of everything are hurting children who have no innocence to stand on. So instead of arguing over who gets a gun and who doesn't why don't we remember the children who have been left behind in this tragedy? And, while we're at it, why not remember all the children around the world who have no running water, no shoes, no health care, no food, no clean water, no vaccinations, no parents, no hope? If we don't remember them then while we're standing still their lives will continue to move forward on a much more tragic trajectory.

P.S. I realize this is rambling from one thing to the next but I guess that's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Trying to piece it all together. This posting is my attempt to process, as best I can, some of my emotions. If you're like me and it's all a little much, check out this posting to help restore your faith in life: 26 Moments That Restored Our Faith In Humanity This Year

Processing

It has been 18 days since I got back from Romania. In some ways it feels like I just left yesterday and in some ways it feels like 3 months ago. Those 2 weeks seem frozen in time and yet life keeps barreling on, moving and changing.

The day after I got back from Romania I started my internship with a counseling center about 30 minutes from my parent's house. I absolutely love it. I've been given the chance to jump in with two feet and accomplish as much as I possibly can in 6 months and I'm taking full advantage of it. Next week I'll be able to start seeing clients on my own. It's crazy and exciting all at the same time! Having this internship has been so good for me. Even though it's a lot of work (and a lot of tough, emotional work) I'm excited to go in each day and I leave happy every afternoon. I literally sing praises on the way home because I enjoy my work so much.

Last weekend was the big moving day. All my furniture (that I'm keeping) came to my parent's house (a.k.a. my new digs). Everything was going great until we couldn't get my couch through the upstairs playroom door.

We even tried removing part of the door frame.

Still not working. The whole frame is going to have to come off. This was the event that broke the camel's back. I had desperately wanted the move to go smoothly, and for the most part it did. But it's all been kind of emotional and with a couch in the hallway all those emotions came right to the surface. Luckily we all survived the event pretty much unscathed. The couch is still in the hallway but the handyman is coming next week to attempt to solve the problem.

So, there's all that and then some. In fact this post barely scratches the surface of all the processing and reflecting I have been doing. There are still lots of questions: What should I be doing in 6 months? What should I be doing in a year? Should I get a job? Do I even have time for a job? Can I handle the stress of a job in addition to school and interning? If I don't get a job how will I pay for bills? How am I going to ship stuff for EEROP? Where am I going to store all this stuff for EEROP? Will we get our 501(c)3 status before the end of this year? How can I raise money to get back to see the kids in Romania? What about all the other orphanages I really want to visit? Right now there are definitely more questions than answers. But I have been reminded that God is working through all this and He has big plans for me. I'm not scared but, rather, excited to see what is just around the bend!