Processing

It has been 18 days since I got back from Romania. In some ways it feels like I just left yesterday and in some ways it feels like 3 months ago. Those 2 weeks seem frozen in time and yet life keeps barreling on, moving and changing.

The day after I got back from Romania I started my internship with a counseling center about 30 minutes from my parent's house. I absolutely love it. I've been given the chance to jump in with two feet and accomplish as much as I possibly can in 6 months and I'm taking full advantage of it. Next week I'll be able to start seeing clients on my own. It's crazy and exciting all at the same time! Having this internship has been so good for me. Even though it's a lot of work (and a lot of tough, emotional work) I'm excited to go in each day and I leave happy every afternoon. I literally sing praises on the way home because I enjoy my work so much.

Last weekend was the big moving day. All my furniture (that I'm keeping) came to my parent's house (a.k.a. my new digs). Everything was going great until we couldn't get my couch through the upstairs playroom door.

We even tried removing part of the door frame.

Still not working. The whole frame is going to have to come off. This was the event that broke the camel's back. I had desperately wanted the move to go smoothly, and for the most part it did. But it's all been kind of emotional and with a couch in the hallway all those emotions came right to the surface. Luckily we all survived the event pretty much unscathed. The couch is still in the hallway but the handyman is coming next week to attempt to solve the problem.

So, there's all that and then some. In fact this post barely scratches the surface of all the processing and reflecting I have been doing. There are still lots of questions: What should I be doing in 6 months? What should I be doing in a year? Should I get a job? Do I even have time for a job? Can I handle the stress of a job in addition to school and interning? If I don't get a job how will I pay for bills? How am I going to ship stuff for EEROP? Where am I going to store all this stuff for EEROP? Will we get our 501(c)3 status before the end of this year? How can I raise money to get back to see the kids in Romania? What about all the other orphanages I really want to visit? Right now there are definitely more questions than answers. But I have been reminded that God is working through all this and He has big plans for me. I'm not scared but, rather, excited to see what is just around the bend!

What the...

Do you ever have a day where you just go, "What the heck?!?" Today has been one of those days. It started out perfectly normal and by the end of it I'm emotionally, mentally, physically, and, yes, maybe even a little bit, spiritually spent. I feel like just standing outside in the rain (even though it's not raining) a la some 1980's film and screaming at the sky, "Why God?!?!"

The thing I find hardest is that it's been little things eating away at me all day. One kid who won't listen no matter what you say. Another child in tears. A harsh critique from someone. A friend who needs answers. Someone getting really, really sick. The heat. Slow internet. No notecards when all you wanted was to write a letter. It all adds up to frustration.

You spend all day trying, trying, trying. And some times nothing will come of it. Frankly, God never promises that if you work your bum off for Him that every day will be productive. That everyday the heavens will open and angels will sing and a rainbow will appear and a unicorn will dance around and everyone gets a puppy. In fact, the Bible says that there will be many troubles in our lives (Psalm 34:19, Psalm 40:12, Psalm 71:20, Psalm 88:3, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 2 Corinthians 6:4). But these verses also promise that God will deliver us from our troubles. Unfortunately, I operate on Melissa Standard Time and not God's Divine Time. I want everything fixed yesterday. I want the kids to stop stealing scissors and shooting spitballs. I want to mend years of abuse and neglect with one word or one hug. I want everyone to understand how desperate the plight of the orphan is; forget the technicalities of what statistics say. I want all relationships to be right as rain. I want supernatural healing. I want air conditioning. I want lightening fast technology. I want 4 or 5 not too girly notecards. And, dang it, I want a drink a 2 liter of Mr. Pibb and eat a bag of Doritos!

So, what do you do when there are troubles and there are no easy answers and you really want to chuck your diet out the window and stress eat? I will stand on the promises of God: "I call on the Lord in my distress and He answers me" (Psalm 120:1). He will answer me and deliver me from troubles. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not even tomorrow or the next day or even the next day. But, one day, He will. Tonight, I will call on the Lord and wait for deliverance.

My Boys

I got to see my boys today! If you know me then you know how happy this makes me. Even if they did act like little boogers (because it's summer and their normal schedule is all out of whack so they were tired and cranky) I still love them more than words can express.

Playing games on the phone.

They make me so happy!

Being a goofball.

I'd say it was a pretty good Monday :)